Mike's Journal

An Open Letter To The Smothers Brothers

Dear Brothers Smothers,

Jeff and I stopped by The Wine Room yesterday on day three of The Great Sittng; a bike ride of 5,000 miles; California to Maine. As you might expect riding ones bike day in and day out can be very taxing and as fatigue sets in rest stops become essential. Kenwood was a great place to rest and though your tasting room wasn’t open I enjoyed stretching in the park like setting. The cardboard cutouts of you gentlemen in the window were a really nice touch. As I gazed in the window I wondered what it would be like to stand face to face with a life size photo of myself. Is this strange? Does it feel like you’re looking in a mirror? Or is it more like watching yourself on film? In regards to the name of your establishment, I think you did the right thing by naming your tasting room “The Wine Room” as opposed to “The Smothers Brothers Tasting Room.” With this name it’s clear that guests will be tasting wine, and not Smothers Brothers.

I could go on and on complementing your winery and asking questions but I figure I should just get down to business. I’m looking for a celebrity Tom to help promote a fundraising event in Maine to support environmental non-profit organizations. The details are still working themselves out but at this point we’re going with a “Tom’s in Maine” theme and I’d love for you to help us out. The idea was birthed within a number of correspondences with the Tom’s of Maine Company. In December Jeff wrote asking that they sponsor our bike trip. They sent us a few tubes of toothpaste, some deodorant, a tub of muscle balm, and a letter explaining that they donate a large percentage of their earnings to environmental non-profit organizations and wouldn’t be able to sponsor our trip. We respect this tremendously and have decided to throw them a party when we arrive in Maine. Why not honor their philanthropic and environmental stances? The concept has built on itself and we’re hoping to break a world record. An inquiry with Guinness (the book not the beer) has revealed that we can set the world record for “largest same name gathering” with attendance of 123 Toms (the current record is held by 122 Shirleys). Anyway, The project is moving along gracefully and I’d love for you to attend and perform at the party. We’re also pursuing Tom Waits as a musical guest. If all goes according to planed Jeff and I will change our names as well. This will of course take this thing to the next level. I’ll be going with Tom Tom Tom and Jeff will use Tom Of Maine as his moniker. Along these lines I think it’d be great if Dick (Smothers) could also change his name to Tom. I understand that it may cause a bit of confusion at family gatherings but I figure one of you could develop a Big T / Little T system or Tommy / Tom. It won't be that difficult and it's for a good cause.

At the gig Non-Toms will pay for tickets at face value while Toms will be admitted for 1/2 off. We think this is fair and encourage all non-Toms to change their name to Tom. Especially women. I think it’s kind of sexy when a woman has name that is typically male; names like Shawn, Sam, and Joe. Hank and Fred are not good names for women.

I’m sure you could come up with some really great ideas for the show and I hope to talk to you about them soon. Jeff and I should be arriving in Maine sometime in Late August and a show date has not yet been chosen. Until then, I imagine there will be many more days like yesterday: sweating, crystallized salt on my skin, sunburn, chafing (Jeff had it bad), camping in back yards, and writing in coffee shops. Yesterday was 95 miles; today will be much shorter. We have a friend to visit in the foothills of the Sierras.

Sincerely,

Michael Schwartz
mikeschwartz@sonic.net
www.thegreatsitting.com

P.S. I know that you both play music. Jeff and I had been hoping to bring a couple of Martin backpacker guitars along on the trip but for financial reasons we haven’t been able to make that happen. If you could buy us a couple of those $300 each ($600 for both) our nights around the campfires would be perfect.

Day 3 - Santa Rosa To Davis - 95 Miles

Posted by Mike at June 7, 2004 11:33 AM